We Cheated Each Other And He Wants Divorce But I Don't.

by Dina
(New York )

My husband and I have been married 15 years. We have three beautiful children together.

For the last five years he's been Keeping me out of his problems; for example, he thought he was having a heartattack on our wedding anniversary but wouldn't let me be by his side.

He purchased a house that we had to rebuild and that took over his life, but I was ignored. He only talked about the kids or the house.

He has denied he's into an affair but last January, I confirmed he's seeing a lady who is also working for him.

He would yell at me as if I irritate him. I lost a lot of weight and he won't tell me how nice I looked but other guys did.

I started sexting this guy I knew. Never met up with him even though he really wanted to. Well, the guy wouldn't stop asking to see me and I ended it oct 2013.

While I went through surgery and treatment, my husband hired a part time babysitter that was a friends daughter. I didn't want her but he pushed for her.

I was ignored so much that I started talking to a friend on Facebook who actually cared how I felt. We had an affair for four months. The babysitter told my husband. I tried to kill myself two times.

The other guy wouldn't leave me alone but would find ways of talking to me. It was hard to stop cause he understood what was going on. I thought I loved him but I loved the attention I got from him.

I truly love my husband. I broke his heart. While I was in the hospital for a week, I got the opportunity to think about my situation and my life. Was ready to fix and give my 200% to committment to our marriage but he wanted a divorce.

Now I truly know how he felt when he found out about my affair. It's been a year and he still won't tell anyone we are getting divorced. He comes and goes as he pleases but never says good bye when he leaves.

He wants me out. He wants the house and kids. I pray everyday for strength. I still have hope. Maybe I'm stupid but I still love him. I got a part time job with my kids school which I love.

I wanted to give back to the church for my sins. I just wish God would see my remorse and help us make it better with prayer and work.