I'm So Much Hurting By His Cheating.

by Esther
(South Africa)

I was married in 1998 because I was pregnant. I met my husband in exile in Zimbabwe. We were both activists. We were crazy for each other but when he came back to South Africa things changed.

He started to cheat but since we were not in the same province I didn't mind. His family rejected me they were born again. However we continued until I became pregnant.

We later got married but already we were fighting a lot. We continued to stay in different provinces as his organization which was an NGO was starting to experience financial constraints, I couldn't take a risk of staying without a job.

Their company relocated to another province and there things became worse. He was working but without a salary and because I was not staying with him his morals went down. He then got a job in Cape Town and from that time things became worse. He stayed there for 5 years but I never visited him. He then moved to Gauteng still he was becoming worse every day. Well along the line I became pregnant as he will occasionally visit us.

I discovered that he has a child who is 11 months older than my son. He is still a womanizer but he is no longer drinking a lot.
I tried to divorce but he is not cooperating, not signing , the court can still grant me the divorce but I want him to take responsibility of his actions.

As I am writing I feel so hurt and heartbroken.I understand it is the plan of the enemy to destroy but I am so confused. I hope God will deliver me from self and restore me emotionally. I hope he will give me a compassionate heart to feel what He is feeling about my husband.

It's tough to kill the flesh? My biggest question is if I reconcile with him will I ever enjoy to be intimate with him?

Please pray for me to know the will of God regarding this issue. If I should divorce or give him chance to work in our lives.