I Want My Divorced Husband Back

by Terry
(Miami, FL)

My husband of 29 years committed adultery 16 months ago. His affair partner became extremely involved in his life and now 10 months after I discovered the affair, we are divorced. We are Catholic, have 4 children but my ex-husband today is a completely different man than who I married.

I am still in love and attracted to him. Sometimes I pray that God remove these emotions from my heart. I'd rather feel indifference towards him but for some reason, I don't. I guess I believe the man I married still exist though very lost.

My husband used to be a good man though he is weak in character. He defends his affair partner as if he were completely blinded by her. I don't get it. He was always so loving to our youngest son who is now 16 yet my husband very easily left the house and now lives in another city, he rarely visits our son. Our older children are adults.

The day before our mediation, I wrote my husband an e-mail asking him to forgive me for anything I had done in our marriage that could have created or promoted problems that led to our unhappiness. I wanted a clear conscience, closure and peace. I was proud of that letter. I also thanked him for the happy moments in our marriage, and for how well he provided for us all those years, he worked so hard. I'll be honest, up until the day he submitted the agreement in court, I was hoping for a change of heart because I felt he was possessed and hoped that God would grant me a miracle! I accepted the divorce and felt peace that I had done all I could to save the marriage.

On the day we were divorced, I received an e-mail (which came from my ex's e-mall address) from his affair partner saying all these things about me that were untrue. She is clearly a very insecure and controlling woman. I deleted the e-mail immediately after I read only the first few sentences because I was adamant about not letting it bring me down. Unfortunately, I caught a glimpse of a picture she had included in the e-mail. It was a picture of her and my ex! I was shocked. I felt like EVIL had slapped me in the face hard and I nearly fainted. I kept wondering how and why could anyone do such a thing? To make matters worse, she wrote underneath their picture, "Prettier...thinner....younger...."

I can't believe that my husband could actually be with someone so low and trashy. Apparently he said he didn't know she had logged on to his e-mail and sent it but he still defended her saying I had personally attacked her in previous e-mails to him which is COMPLETELY FALSE. Since she doesn't trust him, she reads all his e-mails and he also has me blocked from phone calls.

I constantly pray in order to fight this evil trying to destroying our family and still hope that one day he will experience a change of heart, whether we are re-married one day or not. I just want his soul to be saved and for him to be a good father to our children once again.

Thanks for reading. May God Bless us all abundantly.